Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Thank God!—It Finally Dawned on Me

Loyal readers—both of you!—know that I have dissected, probed, and attempted to understand the current administration. I admit that I have not always been charitable in my assessments. In fact, I have been highly critical until I finally figured the whole thing out. I have come to believe that Obama, or shall we use his code name, double naught O, is some kind of secret agent commissioned by the vast right-wing conspiracy to absolutely discredit the Democrat Party and progressivism as a whole.

OOO has dutifully done his duty and put every thinking person on the alert to Democrat shenanigans. His untiring efforts to present the illusion of destroying the country have been very successful. He has the entirety of the Republican Party and their Tea Party sympathizers easily convinced. The tougher demographic, the independents, are now coming around to believe as well that he is the agent of doom. Even a substantial number of Democrat legislators and party apparatchiks are also becoming convinced of his blatant attempts at national destruction and the consequence is leaving a numerical electoral base percentage for November roughly equivalent to their shoe size.

It is incomprehensible to think that he has managed this in just over a year. He will, no doubt, go down in the annals of spy lore as the master spy of all spooks. Every imposter who ever usurped a throne will blush in shame at the mention of his name. Ludlum, LaCarre, Fleming and the wordsmiths who created the exciting stories of espionage daring-do will be embarrassed by comparison to the real thing. The Goldfingers of the world will unite in terror before the awesome skills of 000. It is possible to believe that we are the eyewitnesses of the greatest triple spy who ever lived.

Yes, I am now convinced that his very presence is a creation of the wizened, hidden directors of the vast right-wing conspiracy. These geniuses found the only available path to returning the nation to the vigor experienced by the founders. Whether he was trained as a lad from his early days running the streets of Jakarta is unknown. Perhaps we shall one day learn how he was able to hone his hypnotic speaking skills on the campaign trail to persuade the electorate. It will be far easier to verify the complicity of the faculty and staff at both Columbia and Harvard to allow his training to go forth unimpeded. The biggest hurdle was, no doubt, stashing his prayer rug and assimilating into the Daly machine in Chicago, in order to associate with ACORN as a convincing agent.

There is little question that the praises of 000 shall be sung in the halls of Langley, MI5, and Interpol for centuries. It is humbling to even think we have been eyewitnesses to the activities of the greatest spy of all time. My hat is off to you, 000, as are those of millions of Americans who may now expect the return of the original objectives of those other patriots who founded this magnificent country.

In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon


Cross posted at Conservative Firestorm

1 comment:

Dean O said...

loyal readers - both of you...I love it and I needed that smile