Wednesday, December 9, 2009
A Note From my New Buddy, Barack
Imagine my surprise when I went to my inbox and found a note from Barack Obama addressed to “Friend.” I guess he meant me since it was in my inbox. I got ready for an invitation to share moonlit walks on the beach and long hot showers together. It turns out that was not quite what he had in mind. To accurately share my feelings in response to the note he sent I shall use the ever familiar device of the red letter answer.
"From: President Barack Obama email@example.com
Tue, Dec 8, 2009 3:05 pm
Friend – (I don’t really think he reads Zion Beckons.)
As we head into the final stretch on health reform, (I’ve been calling it socialized medicine.) big insurance company lobbyists (I’ll have to keep that high-falootin’ title in mind the next time some one asks what I do for a living.) and their partisan allies hope that their relentless attacks and millions of dollars (His estimate is a little high but I could probably find 7 or 8 bucks in the sofa cushions.) can intimidate us into accepting the status quo. (That would also be known as the finest health care on the face of the earth.)
So I have a message for them, from all of us. (According to Rasmussen, you are about 150 million short of “all” of us.) Not this time. We have come too far. We will not turn back. We will not back down. (Yadda, yadda, yadda!)
But do not doubt -- the opponents of reform will not rest. (You got that right.) So I need you to fight alongside me. (How about when pigs fly? Oh, that's right, Swine Flew. Not close enough.)
We must continue to build out our campaign (I don’t know how to break this to you Sonny but the campaign is over: you got the job.)-- to spread the facts on the air and on the ground, (That’s pretty much where the rest of your promises are spread.) and to bring in more volunteers and train them to join the fight. (The last time somebody started to talk to me using the words “train”, “join” and “fight” in the same sentence, I wound up in Germany for a couple years.) I urgently need your help to keep this 50-state movement for reform going strong. (What about the other seven states, don’t they count?)
Please donate $5 or whatever you can afford today: (Now hold on: this is the second time you’ve sent me to the sofa cushions.)
Let's win this together, (Is that like: “win one for the Gipper?”)
President Barack Obama (What happened to the “Hussein” thing? Is it now too cumbersome?)
How about that; aren’t you jealous you didn’t get an email? What’s the deal on the five spot? Does he actually think an extra fiver from me is going to enable him to swindle the rest of you? I mean, money talks and all but I can’t believe I’d get much influence for a sawbuck. I am a little disappointed because we just kinda first met and already he’s tapping me for a fin.
I guess he has to stay busy now that he decided not to go to Copenhagen for the opening of the climate circus. Maybe he’s smarter than I thought because any kid knows that it’s colder than billy blue there this time of year. It’s also possible that he got a call from Tiger who warned him about Scandinavian cuties packing a five iron.
It’s always nice to have a new pen pal. We’ll just have to see how it works out.
In His abiding love,
Posted by One of the Moons at 7:47 AM