Cool Things the “One” Has Accomplished

 

There is a wealth of criticism for the president on these pages. We do not want to appear unduly (no relation to Tom Dooley) biased so here is a list of things which he has done for the country and the world which have been overlooked on these pages previously.

He lost the Olympics for Chicago but did get the committee to agree to include male synchronized swimming in the next summer event.

He demonstrated the value of Styrofoam temples for Greek Gods and presidential candidates.

At long last we now have a czar to open pickle jars.

He aided the Portuguese Water Dog industry without using the word “trillion” in the financing.

He vetoed the bill to provide pom-pom’s for presidential speeches.

He wisely decided not to leave Michelle and the kids and elope to Miami with Barney Frank.

He agreed to never embarrass the nation again by going anywhere near a bowling alley—or throw an “opening day” first pitch.

In a long awaited announcement concerning things which really scare him, he admitted that Nancy Pelosi is at the top of the list.

He banned plumbers from his list of consultants.

He publicly announced that he would no longer consider “Monty Python” a credible news source.

To appease English teachers nationwide, he announced a campaign to eliminate “You betcha” from common usage.

He signed an agreement with Fisher Price to market a new product, “My First Teleprompter” to their line of preschool toys.

See, we are not nearly as one-sided as you thought. Much of the material for this post was inspired by ideas found in IMAO by Frank J. and his commenters. I dare you to look and see what his theme was.


In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon