I’m Out of Here!

In a recent post by Ann Althouse we find the following quote:

"22% of Americans 'believe that any state or region has the right to peaceably secede and become an independent republic.' Middlebury Institute/Zogby poll.”

In casual conversation I would wager you have heard someone say we would be better off if we were not burdened as a country by some state(s) or general area. Some even believe there is a constitutional imperative for such an action. It may appear in their document but I could not find it in my copy.

The confusion may arise from the perception of the people and their misunderstanding of the government. We are bound by more than one set of laws. With the onset of increasing federal power, we have seen a diminished importance for each individual state. The very word government in the mind of the citizens has some vague nebulous identification which escapes the average bear. Keeping up with the latest regulations at the federal, state and local level brings into question the legitimacy of the old expression, “Ignorance of the law is no excuse.” It has become so complex that the days of the family lawyer have gone the way of doctor’s house calls.

When I lived in Colorado, every new lawyer “cut his teeth” on water law. In the arid west, sooner or later, every lawyer needed to be well schooled in those statutes. In larger communities, corporate attorneys are prevalent. In other states, labor/management practice is the rule. About the only universal discipline is tax law. Of necessity and a constantly growing body of law, attorneys have nearly all become specialists.

One of the commenters made the following observation: “There is certainly ample reason to think the US government is too large and unwieldy to be responsive to its citizens' interests anymore. In 1790, the population of the entire United States was 3.9 million (smaller than 26 of the current states). There was one representative per 30,000 people, compared to one per 700,000 today, which gives a modern voter 1/23rd the voice of a 1790 voter. At the same time that our say in the federal government has shrunk dramatically, the power and size of the federal government has grown even MORE dramatically.”

Apparently the federal motto, “E pluribus unum” goes untranslated and therefore unknown among the population. I thought this was settled back in 1865 at the conclusion of the Civil War (popularly know by my neighbors in the Ozarks as the “War of Northern Aggression.”) The government schools teach that it was about slavery when in fact it was an exercise in the rights of individual states. In a highly diverse and ever increasing population regional differences become exacerbated and do indeed stimulate the citizens of some areas to wondering why we continue to support and align with the foolishness of folks in _________; you fill in the blank here yourself.

The reason is simple: our strength lies in unity. One need only look at central Europe and the Balkans to see the result of tribal units deciding to nationalize. During WW II, the amalgamation of many of these individual states under a single flag, Yugoslavia, provided sufficient influence to become a thorn in the side of aggressive neighbors. Once the common threat disappeared, the tribal mentality returned and chaos ensued.

The continued break-up of many African states serves to make the point as well. When people’s self interest trumps the greater good, the result is obvious. These smaller units lend themselves to corruption, oppression and the other ills which afflict the mentioned areas.

Being blessed with a Constitution which protects our God given rights demands a cohesive effort on the part of all our people. Once a breakup of any magnitude occurs, then the locals separate themselves from the common goals outlined in that precious document. A hundred thirty five years ago we expended 650,000 dead and countless treasure to secure the concept of union. It was important then and it is even more important today.

In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon

Monday Morning Rant 47

Somebody finally came up with a simplistic logo I can support. As predicted, when the guys in Washington decided that some commitment to solving our energy crisis on our own would be productive, the price of gas started to drop. As more governmental types jump on that bandwagon, I further predict a continued reduction in the price at the pump.

You have to love the thought and the picture. It says all that needs to be said.

It bears repeating

I am an old man. I repeat myself. It comes with the territory. If you have read this before, be patient and re-read it and then rejoice with me.

Twenty-five years ago, I was struggling to rebuild my life and with God’s help had about three years of sobriety. I was traveling nation wide at the time, working fairs and festivals, and my son and I had started a business in Houma, Louisiana. I contacted my first wife (a saint, by the way) and asked if I could have our daughter travel with me for a couple of weeks.

Jenny was about eleven at the time and I was thrilled when her mother gave the consent necessary for the trip. Jenny came from her home in Las Vegas and we connected in Illinois. We worked a “truck show” in Byron, Illinois, spent the Forth of July on the beach near Michigan City, Indiana watching fire works and continued east. Over the course of the next ten days, we had a fabulous time together and wound up in Washington, DC where I gave her a primer in America’s history.

We lived on peanut butter, bologna and Ho-Ho’s; made necklaces and earrings for Dad out of candy strung on elastic; and, most important just did Dad/daughter stuff. She still talks about it and I still remember the joy of it.

Finally, the time came to drop her off at LaGuardia in New York and send her back home to Nevada with a heart full of memories and a suitcase full of dirty clothes. My next show was another truck event high in the Helderberg Mountains above Albany, New York. I was early for the event and after I was set up, I had time to wander about the sub-Alpine scenery. Perched on a rock amid the scrub pines, I sought God to acknowledge his hand in my recent experience and thank Him profusely for His role.

While I was at it, in the course of my one-sided conversation with God, I expressed through the momentary return to normal life, the realization that I needed a normal, God fearing woman and asked for his assistance to locate one. That evening, the show commenced for the weekend and I continued peddling my wares in that delightful setting.

The following week I made my way to Shinhopple, New York for a blue-grass festival on the left branch of the Delaware River. My set up faced the stage across about two hundred yards of open meadow. On Saturday morning, folks dragging blankets, lawn chairs and coolers started to occupy the empty space and the opening acts had begun their performance. The weather, sunny, calm and 70º was perfect and a few folks started to come over to inspect my wares. As I looked out over my display I noted a smallish, attractive woman making a bee-line for my location.

When she arrived she looked over the American Indian jewelry very carefully as we exchanged friendly conversation. She settled on a pair of inexpensive turquoise earrings, paid, and we continued to talk. And talk we did for about the next two hours until she thought her friend might be missing her. Before leaving, she invited me to come over and share some of the carrot and celery sticks she brought along.

Later, the wife of a fellow vendor watched my space and I located the space where the carrots and celery lurked. We continued the conversation we had started earlier and it continued for another hour or two. I then returned to my spot and the lady who watched it had done a great job, sold a bunch of stuff but thought I had gone off and died. I remarked, “No, I have just been interviewing my future wife.” By then, there was no question in my mind that God had delivered, as promised, my future. It was just up to me to furnish the petty details.

Toward evening, she returned and reluctantly reported she had responsibilities at home with her teenage daughter and had to leave. I then proposed we have dinner together on Monday evening after the show. She quickly accepted and recommended a nearby camp ground and promised to make reservations for us. Dinner for two in Oneonta, followed by more exchange of life histories, followed by ice cream at Howard Johnson’s, followed by yet more sharing until 4 am. followed by an invitation to dinner at her house the next evening.

We were both overcome with the realization that we would indeed be married, live out our lives together, and that God would bless us both in our endeavor. The following year on July 21, 1984, Elder Joe Masek, of the Binghamton RLDS, solemnized our commitment in the backyard of a lifelong friend of the bride. Somehow, the best man managed to lose his shoes on the flight from Louisiana and a neighbor’s cat was present in all the ensuing photos. Nothing really mattered since God was present along with many well wishers and family.

Neither Jan, nor I, question for a second the role which Almighty God has played in our lives and in our marriage. We mutually acknowledge His presence, not only in the formation of our relationship, but also in His continued presence in support and comfort in the occasional trials we have faced since. Throughout He has enabled us to face our life together with a sense of humor and the awareness that “that which God has brought together, let no man put asunder.”

Mrs. Moon, on this auspicious occasion, I thank God for you and reaffirm, I love you.

In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon

National Public Rip-off

I followed a lead to an article which was featured by NPR (National Public Radio) about a couple of folks in northern Ohio. I was eager to follow the story of their plight and discover why NPR took such an interest.

Ms Nunez’s father worked for General Motors for 45 years and apparently provided a fine living for his family. The piece doesn’t say what happened to him or his wife. We are provided with the information that Ms Nunez is divorced and on some sort of social security benefit plus food stamps. She lives in publicly subsidized housing ($100 per month) and complains about food costs, lack of public transportation (her van broke down,) and a shortage of local jobs. She and her daughter are both unemployed.

Let us understand clearly that my spouse believes I am very cold. I took one look at the picture and came close to understanding at least a part of the problem. Folks, it would take a lot of groceries to maintain those two.. This could well be the greatest crisis in their lives and put them on the road to recovery from a serious food addiction.

I am worn out from tales of grief from the likes of NPR about the poverty stricken when it is obvious they have never missed a meal, a snack, or any other opportunity to cram edible material in their mouth. Please save any comments about “glandular problems;” I just don’t buy it.

There was no coverage on either of these two ladies taking advantage of educational packages available to upgrade their skills in anticipation of better employment opportunities. No comment was made about leaving this obviously distressed community to find a better life elsewhere. One friend suggested that the daughter might consider having a child as that would increase their public benefits. This is a prospect that I am reluctant to even address on a family oriented blog.

When I first brought this up I was confused and thought that the referring link had, in a warped attempt at humor, directed me to the Onion. When I discovered it was a serious (?) website, I definitely got my Irish up. I admit severe resentment of the NPR and the public funding which they employ to bring pap such as this. To even think that this type of reporting is subsidized by your tax dollars and mine is reprehensible.

I think I shall just close this before I entertain a thought which will earn me eternal condemnation.

In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon

Tools of the Trade

One of the joys of rural living is the constant stream of projects to occupy the homeowner. The biggest drawback is the relative inaccessibility of handy support services not only for the work at hand but for the occasional surprise job created by either unforeseen circumstance or faulty maintenance. Out of necessity, then, nearly every endeavor has become a “do-it-yourself” adventure. A recent project—building the office where I write—prompted me to make a list of the building trades that were required for its completion. At least a nodding acquaintance was required as “procurement officer” to “dry wall installer” to “electrician” with over twenty construction specialties making the final list. The bottom line is simply stated; you had best be a jack-of-all-trades if you are going to live in the woods.

An additional requirement is having the appropriate tools for the project, whatever it may be. I am always amused when I hear others complain that they need a large separate room (note: I did not say closet) for the sole purpose of storing their wife’s shoes. Granted; having a hundred pairs of shoes is not a mortal sin, but, as I examine my own personal fetish, perhaps I should examine “the beam in my own eye” before I chuckle over her “mote.” Since my first home owning experience in 1955, I have been collecting tools.

The current home for my collection is a 650 sq. ft. garage with one 7’ and one 9’ door. The walls are lined with cabinets, shelves, drawers, benches, power tools and the floor space occupied with other “stuff.” To the casual observer it appears to be utter chaos. It is! It is also my first line of defense in the on going war against mechanical and functional breakdown on the property.

Earlier this week, I attempted to balance the demands of accommodating the weather and juggling three projects at once. The new deck was an impossible place to work in full sun. The temperature hovered around the 100º mark. The lawn could not be mowed while wet with dew. I also couldn’t do any mowing while the mower had a broken mandrill housing anyway. As I ploughed through the day, I marveled that I had adequate tools for each and every job I attempted even to the inclusion of a three foot section of pipe with the dedicated purpose of extending the leverage of the wrench to gain a physical advantage over a rusted on 11/16th nut.

I retreated to the office for yet one more glass of water and rejoiced that I had in every circumstance the appropriate set of equipment for each individual job. Some of them have seen no activity for months—even years—at a time. Others seem present as part of nearly every job; multipurpose cordless drill, hammers, screwdrivers, tape measures, clamps, etc . . . . As I cooled down, I thought further on the parallel to scripture.

I am not a Bible scholar. I am always somewhat embarrassed when I am in the presence of men and women who are. I envy (think violation of a commandment here) those who have acquired a ready familiarity with and can quote endlessly from the Good Book. They have become wonderfully adept at offering up its wisdom, love, and example at every turn. It has provided them with endless solutions and comfort facing the vicissitudes of life.

What they have accomplished is not unlike having the right tool for every job. They have become equipped, by searching for Biblical truths in the scripture and finding in that truth an appropriate application for each situation. If they come up short in personal knowledge of exactly where to turn they take the Book from the table (bookcase, nightstand, desk, or left hand) and look it up. They have the all-purpose manual for life in their hands. They don’t have to “run to town” to get what they need. Although dog-eared and probably well marked, it has become an integral part of their lives. It is their first reference and not a last resort.

Some of us, with a lesser knowledge, see the Bible as chaotic as my shop is to the occasional visitor. Who among us makes the jump from Joel to Jude with ease? Would flipping between Ephesians to Ecclesiastes be any easier? We have suffered the occasional preacher who urges us to open our Bibles to one quote after another and races on to the next before we have found the first. The fault here is in inexperienced usage and not his ardor to cover all the bases. I always use those ribbon place markers because I just know he’s going to return to a former verse.

As the analogy continues we find the depth and variety extremely useful in both the shop and the scripture. Each tool and each verse has an assigned purpose. Using a ratchet wrench as a hammer is destructive to the wench and ineffective for the purpose. Taking isolated scripture out of context can be equally damaging to both. Understanding purpose is dependent upon a close examination of the complete circumstances of its presentation. I will concede that there are some scriptures which can form a sound basis for belief. In the KJV the first four words set the tone for not only the book but also for a successful understanding of our lives” “In the beginning God. . .” For the Christian we have; “For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

In their brevity, both quotes appear to be a summation but they are both best understood when the adjacent verses are read. Scattered from verses 3 through 21, Christ’s words to Nicodemus synopsize the actions necessary for salvation. In them, he provided the “tools” for redemption and acceptance in the afterlife. John recorded these words in realization of the fact that Christ was speaking to the world and not just to a ruler of the Jews.

While I treasure the association I have with my fellow believers, I fully realize that in the final analysis, I will have to do it myself. In either case, completing the deck or fixing the lawn mower to finish mowing, or readying myself for the final judgment, I will have to use the tools available and do it myself. Others may lend a hand on occasion in either endeavor but in the end it is my responsibility. It’s up to me to have the right tool for the job.

In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon

What?

There is a certain sadness in remarks I have read recently. The following comes from an article in the New Yorker and centers on a statement made on September 19, 2001 (ca.) about the causes of the recent disaster.

“We must also engage, however, in the more difficult task of understanding the sources of such madness. The essence of this tragedy, it seems to me, derives from a fundamental absence of empathy on the part of the attackers: an inability to imagine, or connect with, the humanity and suffering of others.

Such a failure of empathy, such numbness to the pain of a child or the desperation of a parent, is not innate; nor, history tells us, is it unique to a particular culture, religion, or ethnicity. It may find expression in a particular brand of violence, and may be channeled by particular demagogues or fanatics.

Most often, though, it grows out of a climate of poverty and ignorance, helplessness and despair. We will have to make sure, despite our rage, that any U.S. military action takes into account the lives of innocent civilians abroad. We will have to be unwavering in opposing bigotry or discrimination directed against neighbors and friends of Middle Eastern descent.

Finally, we will have to devote far more attention to the monumental task of raising the hopes and prospects of embittered children across the globe—children not just in the Middle East, but also in Africa, Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe and within our own shores.”

Either the speaker—or possibly I—totally misunderstand the events of 9/11. His first temptation is to assign a “lack of empathy” to the attackers. Obviously, people with empathy do not kill over 3000 people. Any group of ideologues who spend months planning and training for an elaborate plot to destroy a pair of our largest buildings occupied by innocent civilians is not simply lacking empathy. This social worker’s “catch all” phrase is hardly adequate to describe the perpetrators of the collapse of the World Trade Center.

He continues by pointing out that their actions are not exclusively the activity of either their culture or religion. Like it or not, these acts were perpetrated by avowed Muslim extremists bent on dealing America a death blow. We were in 2001, and continue today, to be faced with ongoing terrorism, worldwide, by like minded groups who have no “empathy.” If the object is to establish a moral equivalency, it fails. Does your local Baptist congregation have plans for world domination? How about the Buddhist temple you toured on your last vacation? Can anyone seriously believe that we are threatened by a bunch of nuns led by the Pope to take over the country? As Restorationists, we are far too concerned about the alphabet soup in Independence to entertain bellicose ideas of any sort.

Somehow, when a specific group comes forward and claims the credit for the heinous acts, may we not believe them? Islamic radicals have done just that. Their sympathizers’, world wide, were dancing in the streets with joyful assembly after the event occurred. Although we have found them normally untrustworthy, in this case I tend to believe them. In their rush to reap the harvest of 72 virgins, the perpetrators left behind a mountain of evidence which pointed to their religious affiliation.

Most people are not old enough to remember the reaction of the American people on the afternoon of December 7th, 1941. Those of us who do may share with you the immediate distaste we formed for the nation and its’ people which performed that horrible sneak attack. Our desire for relief from the pain of that assault on our national psyche was near universal and well understood by all of our citizens. To observe that the empire of Japan held no “empathy” for our citizens would have been met with the derision it deserves. I see little difference between the two circumstances.

The speaker then points out that such a lack of empathy is spawned by “a climate of poverty and ignorance, helplessness and despair.” If this is the case, let it be remembered that it is caused by people who suffer that poverty and ignorance through acts of their own government, policy and propaganda and not by the innocent victims of the World Trade Center. The United States is not the entity which preaches anti-American hate among the world’s Muslims. This line of thought is also echoed in the mosques by some prominent religious leaders with the alleged endorsement of the Koran. The actual ones in charge of planning and executing the acts of 9/11 have a reputation for extreme wealth, education and position in their native realms. This was not an uprising of poor people. The only thing which would keep the people of the Middle East downtrodden would be their leaders and not their gross national product. The entire thought is absolute hogwash.

This all accompanied to the end by an appeal that we must rise to the aid of “embittered children” around the world. I gather from this he thinks we were attacked by a phalanx of kids. Quite the contrary; we were attacked by ideological crazies, driven by their spiritual leaders, with the avowed purpose of leveling the “great Satan” to their own primitive level. In the entire piece there is no acknowledgement that we are facing a determined enemy with no concept of the value system which we treasure. Rather, it is couched in terms of guilt over the failures of others.

The piece was offered by an Illinois state senator in the aftermath of 9/11. He later (2004) rode his credentials as a “community organizer” into the United States Senate. Today he is easily recognized as the “messiah” who will bring peace to the Middle East, return our troops to the safety of their homeland and in his ambition, possibly become the new leader of the free world: Barack Hussein Obama.

The above is offered without apology.

In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon

Monday Morning Rant 46

I probably shouldn’t refer to this as news because all too often the result of cancer is death. Even in the face of remarkable gains in the field, there are still those who succumb. This week it was Tony Snow, at 53. The former White House press secretary and staple at Fox news will be missed.

As I read the many, many tributes I felt the stunned sincerity of the commenters. Almost all ignored his considerable talents and centered the observations on his people skills and caring heart. Paramount was his consideration of others and his impeccable honesty.

In his waning days he furnished this response to an intimate’s inquiry about his condition.

“we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Please join me in prayer for his family and best wishes for his final earthly journey.

Wildfires and Individualism

It is not my intention to diminish the tragic result of the fires which are currently ravaging parts of California. My heart and prayers go out for those who are being threatened and who have already sustained loss of life and property. Like good Americans the people have dropped what they are doing and are fighting fires directly or helping those who man the fire lines by furnishing food, supplies, and the necessities of life. It’s the way we are!

In an article in the International Herald Tribune (a function of the New York Times) we find coverage which points out that the government is not available to many outlying districts. In almost breathless prose they point out what should be obvious. When you are fighting fires scattered over an area the size of New England, the government resources cannot possibly be available to everyone, all the time. There are only so many fire trucks, retardant tankers, bulldozers and personnel to operate them.

Many of these medium and small communities have volunteer fire companies and they are manned by locals just as they are throughout “flyover” country. To the credit of those who live there, the residents have picked up hand tools and what ever equipment they have and are improvising to save their homes and their livelihood. The Times reporter seemed somewhat taken aback that they we willing to do whatever it takes to fight the constant blazes. These good people realize that waiting for the “government” to remedy their ills is a foolish endeavor and would only result in watching their communities disappear. My hat is off to those who have the independent spirit to take matters into their own hands and do their best to extinguish the fires.

I also understand the Times and their attitude. Their agenda is and continues to be, a top down demonstration of accountability. They have difficulty understanding the basics about America. Although we have been gifted, by God, with the best of all Constitutions, the nation is great because of the people and not the government. Our people will survive with or without the “nanny state.”

Dumb and Dumber

Just when you thought every asinine thought had been expressed by a member of Congress, along comes Edward Markey (D-Mass) to top them all. In remarks to a symposium for students he assigned the blame for Katrina to global warming. For frosting on the cake, he also alleged that the battle of Mogadishu in Somalia was also caused by the effects of global warming.

He remains unfazed by solid evidence of cyclic weather patterns in the region being responsible for alternating drought and flood with accompanying periods of feast and famine. He also seems to have forgotten that the US servicemen were in country to help with the distribution of relief supplies for the people. The local government officials in various factions were competing to see who could steal the most and enjoy the subsequent enrichment.

I am now awaiting the announcement from a special select committee of the senate to announce that the irritating wart I have developed is caused by global warming and will be cured the very second we sign on to the Kyoto accords. If it were not so damaging to the nation, this type of thing would be funny.

More Fun in the Ozarks

My boss at the golf course asked me the other day in a conversation about retirement, “What do you do?” Since he hates computers and the internet, he is unimpressed that I write several essays a week. I doubt he would be moved by a concentrated study of scripture. Because he mows grass and tends greens for a living he wouldn’t be very impressed with the maintenance of four acres of grass and twenty acres of oak. The fact I do my own laundry and ironing, do household chores and spend a grand amount of time discussing a huge variety of topics with my bride wouldn’t reach him.

Last Monday, a forty foot flatbed with a forklift attached, pulled down the lane and deposited the material for our new deck. I finally finished the addition of 160 sq. ft. of additional space for an office, dressing room and two closets. Now, I felt compelled to place a covered deck just off that room. When completed, it will overlook the bluff and the Spring River Valley below and hopefully afford additional protection for the outer wall from the ravages of Missouri heat and cold. At the end of the first week the framing is complete and the floor boards will be installed tomorrow—if I have time.

When I report for work at 7:30 am on Tuesday, he will no doubt come in with the usual question, “What you been doing.” My response is already on my lips, “Not much!”

In His abiding love,

Cecil Moon

Advice from the Padre

Unlikely as it may seem, I actually found this in a column by Maureen Dowd in the New York Times. She quotes some keen observations on marriage from Father Pat Conner. At 79, he can look back upon decades of marriage counseling in addition to his missionary activity in India, and offer “common sense” advice to those smitten by the “love bug.” Most important, he offers advice on signs of impending failure in marriage.

“Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work,” the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. “But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.”

Father Conner has been giving his talk to high school kids for 40 years and comments, “It’s important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late,” he explains. “Infatuation trumps judgment.”

Although immediate prospects of marriage may not be in your near future, the substance of his talk may be of interest to your children or grandchildren. There is a ton of wisdom here:

“Never marry a man who has no friends. This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.

“Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card.

“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.

“Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother. (I’ve known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)

“Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: ‘You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.’ My father fell about laughing.

“A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.’ The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. That world-class misogynist, Paul of Tarsus, got it right when he said, ‘In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.’

“Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

“Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later.

“Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn’t open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son’s throat.

“Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?

“After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: ‘But you’ve eliminated everyone!’ Life is unfair.”

Thank you Father Conner. As a veteran of the ongoing marriage wars, I recognized, as will you, many points here which validate his talk to the kids. Unfortunately, they will probably be as averse to the good advice as I have often been.

In his abiding love,


Cecil Moon